应用文精批精改3(课堂讲稿)学生版.docx

应用文精批精改3（课堂讲稿）题目展示：假定你是校学生会主席李华,最近发现不少同学沉迷于购买盲盒。请给校英文报写一封倡议书,号召理性消费,内容包括：L陈述所观察到的现象：2.提出建议并给出理由。参考词汇:盲盒blind boxes注意：L写作词数应为80左右：2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。审题“三步走”一审文体:倡说书二数要点:四个:现象;建议;理由;号召理性消费,但重点放在建议和理由上。思时态与人称：时态一一般现在时人称T第一人称（我们）学生作品展示：DpAr QditorS of the GcMdI 已吗Mh n。WsPaPed/Isof thevdfwl StadEn讨时而江触 讦-iderrt前竹叼Wappea网 玉厂rational RAw掰P力为 be a s饭服八弋；WZ S忻aid ha无口旗1W力i加Ofthb饰Yf笔 " n%W万方W "腐亡.%产d% HC做（社;注 由网 “T，尔说泞没工后泣血'W 我伤冲切成幺 威"心加方如 r钮彷烟;.优招凉飞卜0口1加上 happerv MRLilrcamPa£方劭血物加 f*也窕松"疝朋*孑柩“方抗血防；H4¾g that”讨tMq siq格T澈icatinq你力值干加时血之忧tfid tfoxeu 他彳宓«F泌T滋花小花丁SlWs"Mfe如码肪物的 w圻力方及优廿可力。侬:飞川池gb叱铲四疮例件论制融直湃的讹tzdi:心HuRMg 计IM th 出Hg叫.卑后/万丁有印用的华#为工丽加zsH匕淤:血污;方瞅d第一段:写作背景+目的（应用文高分开头）1. Dear editors of the school English newspaper,应该是审题不清,倡议书并不是写给校报编辑的而是全体学生。T 52. As the president of the School Students, Union ,If m writing to appealing for rational consumption.还是属于审题的问题,是倡议书而非普通的信件,所以用I, m writing to不太恰当； to是不定式符号,后应该用动词的原形.修改提升:AS the president of the Students1 Union, Iconsumption.T其它写法 l：As the president of the Students, Union,I every student to be a consumer.其它写法 2:As the president of the Students, Union,I every studentto become a consumer.第二段正文:现象的描述3. To be a student,we should have a clear mind on which of the things we need and what we don, t need.这句话语法和语义上没有问题,但可以稍作修改以使其更地道更常见。一初步修改:AS students, we should what we need andwhat we don, t need.其它写法 1 ：, we what isnecessary and what is not.其它写法 2:As students, it,s the differencebetween what is necessary and what is unnecessary.其它写法 3:, it is to the essentialnecessities the non-essential ones.4.However,recently I, ve seen a craze in my schoolmates for buying blind boxes,which shouldn, t happen on our campus.词汇用法上都没有问题;状语+简单句+非限制定语从句,句子结构也好的。其它写法 1 ： However,recently, I among myblind boxes,is not a phenomenon. 其它写法 2:1 a amongmy of purchasing blind boxes on campus, aconsumption habit that is not worth.第三段:建议+理由5.1 n order to let students realize their problem,I suppose that putting signs indicating the harm of the blind boxes may be a good idea. 状语+宾从结构,句子结构没有问题,但是通过审题,我们知道倡议书的阅读对象是广 大学生而非编辑,所以StUdentS改为US StUdentS更好;their需要改为OUapproach to make aware ofthe problems blind boxes is to display signs thatindicate their effects.建议修改为:AS students,we need to the harmfuleffects blind boxes.6. Also,some students buying them only to find the pleasure through discovering the unknown things.这句话缺了谓语,应该把buying改为buy; through应该改为in（在方面）修改提升:,some students buy them only to find pleasure discovering the unknown things.其它写法:, some students them the enjoyment of.7. An alternative game can better cape for their demand and take place of the boxes.就句子的本身来说,cape for应该改为Cater to;take place Of改为take the place Of；句子功能的角度上看,从一款游戏到另一款游戏似乎有些不妥。仅文字修改:,an game can betterour demand and the blind boxes.f 建议修改为:, I suggest our resources towards educational expensesrather than for entertainment purposes only. 第四段:决心+希望 Here, s my opinion.Hoping that these can be useful to you. 句子的本身没有问题,但是对于倡议书来说并不是个好的结尾。 ： I hope everyone can be the importance of and avoid . Let,s save our money for things and develop habits.一修改提升2: Remember, we are the future of our country and we have the responsibility to habits. Let,s worktogether to create a campus culture.修改提升3：I，m calling on everyone to andmaking our school a nicer place. 修改精简后的文章完美呈现: Dear my fellow students,As the president of the Students, Union,I every studentto become a consumer.Recently,I among my topurchase blind boxes,which is an phenomenon.Asstudents,we need to the harmful effectsblind boxes., some students purchase them for the enjoyment of the unknown.I suggest our resourcestowards educational expenses for entertainment purposesonly. Let,s to habits andcampus culture. 参考答案：Dear fellow students,Recently, we, re astonished to find many students are obsessed with blind boxes, spending a large sum of money impulsively.As teenagers, we are still reliant on parents economically. Also, money wasted on blind boxes can be spent on daily necessities and things contributing to our personal growth. It,s advisable that we should develop a rational spending habit and practice the virtue of thrift.We appeal to all of us to be smart with money and be wise “investors" !The Students, Union 翻译练习： 第一段:1 .最近我们惊讶地发现许多同学迷恋盲盒,冲动消费花费大量的钱。第二段:2 .作为青少年,我们经济上仍然依赖父母。3 .而在盲盒上浪费的钱可以用于日常必需品和有助于个人成长的事物上。4 .我们建议应该养成理性消费习惯,实践节俭的美德。第三段:5 .我们呼吁我们所有人要明智地管理好钱财,做一个理智的“投资者”。