应用文精批精改2(湖丽衢4月联考)教师版.docx

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1、应用文精批精改2（湖丽衢2023年4月联考）题目展示：假定你是李华,你的英国朋友Alan对你校的“校园农场（CamPUS Farm）”项目很 感兴趣,想来你校参观。请你给他写封邮件,内容包括：1 .表示欢迎；2.介绍项目内容和目的。注意:L写作词数应为80左右;2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。审题“三步走”一审文体:介绍类二数要点:欢迎,项目内容和目的,一共三个要点;可以添加农场的介绍和项目的意义。 思时态与人称：时态 一般现在时人称f第一人称（我们） 介绍类六件套：首段:背景介绍+写作目的主体:内容介绍+补充细节尾段:呼应开头+提出希望 学生作品展示：算二应由王写宿 品分15分）一，

2、Dear Alan,Dalightpg tc Iccm that you ho2 a fancy ILo 。以r GmoLzS %mPrOgrOm. l，m writing tc extend my COrdiH w。/ODEAim包d Qt emphans】Zinq 切z SiqnifimnCK Of IaboUir Red c3tiuQtingCtUden田 2duranca the PrOgmm isIy。hit CmOnq us、Thne. IzAcus asi5t3 Qfe Qrrdnqedt consisting Of FlUCkJng CarrbC feeding ChiCECn

3、6 and GOWing Med，, IhrOUgh invobemEE r)o OEy Mn you，mmor5yousf in th2 PeQeCfUlCf naiure. but yo,/ Mn 4心0 harvest6 %nce 吒 adwgmRctGhoUld 淮 further qu,Stions. 彩0 free 七C SriCdCZ m2 HoF2 to hear，from YCU coon.Yours. Li Hua第一段:写作背景+目的(应用文高分开头)1 .Delighted to learn that you have a fancy to our Campus Far

4、m program,I, m writing to extend my cordial welcome.背景:AIan对校园农场(CamPUS Farm)”项目很感兴趣;目的:表示欢迎,应该再增 加一个目的:对项目作简要介绍;喜欢应该是have a fancy foro修改提升:Thriued/Delighted to learn that you have a fancy for our Campus Farm program,I would like to offer my warm/warmest/cordial welcome and a brief introduction.其它写法

5、:EXCitemeilt fills me as I learn about your enthusiasm for our Campus Farm program. Allow me to extend a warm welcome and brief you on the program.第二段正文:内容介绍+补充细节2 .Aimed at emphasizing the significance of labour and cultivating students, endurance,the program is really a hit among us.状语+简单句,句子结构好,属

6、于介绍项目的目的部分。k更多表达:In an attempt/Intended to emphasize/Aimed at/For the purpose of emphasizing the significance/value of labour and cultivating/ fostering/developing/promoting students enduranceperseverance persistence,the program is really a hit among us.其它写法:The program*s focus on emphasizing the im

7、portance of hard work and developing students1 endurance has been extremely well- received among us .3 . There5Various activities are arranged?consisting of plucking carrots, feeding chickens and sowing seeds.状语+简单句+状语,结构很好,先笼统后具体,写作逻辑也没有问题;但是在介绍活动 前应该对校园农场作个简单的介绍,这个细节能让文章更生动。T增加校园农场的介绍：The Campus F

8、arm covers an area of half an acre,which is located in the southeast of our school.第三句其它写法 1:There,various activities are arranged?ranging from plucking carrots to feeding chickens and sowing seeds.第三句其它写法 21Numerous activities have been arranged/scheduled, including carrot picking, chicken feeding,

9、 and seed sowing.-第三句其它写法 3 ： A variety of activities have been planned/scheduled? which include picking/plucking /harvesting carrots, feeding chickens, and planting/sowing seeds.T第三句其它写法 4: Several tasks are scheduled/There are several tasks scheduled, involving harvesting carrots, feeding the chic

10、kens, and planting seeds.4 .Through involvement5not only can you immerse yourself in the peaceful atmosphere of nature,but you can also harvest a sense of achievement. 这句话属于项目的意义或收获部分,虽然要点里没有,但是作为项目组成一部分,补充 进去是必要的也是合情合理的;状语+两个简单句的并列+倒装,结构很好;可以增形 容词和副词让句子更饱满。初步修改:ThrOUgh your active involvement,not o

11、nly can you immerse yourself in the peaceful atmosphere of nature5but you can also harvest a significant sense of achievement.句子表达效果再提升:By actively participating in nature, you not only get to immerse yourself in its peaceful atmosphere, but also gain a fulfilling sense of accomplishment.其它写法:By get

12、ting involved,you can acquire practical/valuable farming skills while promoting a sense of responsibility towards the environment and the community.第三段:进行总结+提升价值Should you have further questions Jeel free to contact me.Hope to hear from you soon.虚拟倒装句,这里的ShOUId可以翻译为“万一”，正常的句子为:If you should have fur

13、ther questions; Hope to hear from you SOon是祈使句,是希望对方 作出回复,符合交际的要求。其它写法 1 ： If you have any additional questions, please do not hesitate to contact me. I look forward to hearing from you soon.一其它写法2: Please don,t hesitate to reach out to me if you have any further questions. I look forward to hearing

14、 from you soon.呼应第一段的角度来写： 其它写法 1：LOOkiIlg forward to your early arrival ,and I, m convinced that you will be amazed by the program.一其它写法2:1 eagerly anticipate your arrival and have no doubt that the program will leave you amazed.其它写法3:BraCe yourself for an incredible experience. Our campus Farm/The

15、 program is amazing, and m certain that you,ll love it.准备好迎接令人难以置信的体验吧。我们的校园农场/这个项目很棒,我相信你一 定会喜欢它。修改精简后的文章完美呈现：Excitement fills me as I learn about your enthusiasm for our Campus Farm program. Allow me to extend a warm welcome and brief you on the program.Aimed at emphasizing the value of labour and

16、 promoting students, endurance,the program is really a hit among us.The farm covers an area of half an acre,which is located in the southeast of our school.A specific piece of land has been assigned to each class and several activities are scheduled ? involving harvesting carrots, feeding the chickens, and planting seeds.By g