应用文精批精改1(课堂讲稿)教师版.docx

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1、应用文精批精改1（课堂讲稿）题目展示：假定你是李华,计划组织一次郊游,请给你的英国朋友ChriS写封邮件邀请他参 加。内容包括：1 .参与者；2.时间、地点；3.活动：登山、野餐等。注意：1.词数80左右；2.可适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。审题“三步走”一审文体:邀请信 二数要点:三个,但重点应该是活动介绍思时态与人称：时态f 一般将来时（计划郊游） 人称f第一人称（我/我们）学生作品展示：/TtripHs时前与它姆加旄,。坊M二闻化空流0：昉才舷4懒阿M她,那加PMid网ehit:他仲;WZM咐加 力。哂新卡时励毗：忸miirc限, r加 w侬修常淅沏）z麻卯力力畋加泥:7i咿4峋沈1加油Y

2、t诵TWiit1般则砒厢航临C tfr州Teb谍阳的消.竹平Ww邮加冼.抛.班始之WC才渝做buti他Muista;Tfffdt飞比wo淋r叶如沈甘t:.加区位斯泌源波施雌洲滋，节片怖6由平颂/你花诜叫.灰,麻明冰血雷的布沟帆才加而优:伙即网厂而蕾巾泥厂&砰切也加祈H他.力波.新才彳醺所/滋树.价心小3&H殴/加曲于/施 波却抑 HTW4第一段:写作背景+目的（应用文高分开头） Dear Chris,A trip in superb is going to be organized recently,and we sincerely invite you to participate in i

3、t.两个简单句的并列,语法,用词逻辑方面都没有任何问题,只是感觉还不能吸引到阅 卷老师的眼球。参考写法：We are beyond thrilled to announce the upcoming organization of an amazing trip, and we wholeheartedly invite you to join us for this thrilling and unforgettable outing next Sunday.我们非常激动地宣布即将组织一次精彩的旅行，我们衷心地邀请你加入我们， 共同体验这场激动人心、难忘的郊游。I hope this ema

4、il finds you well. It brings me great excitement to cordially invite you to join us for a hiking trip to Tiantong Mountain on April 17th. We can,t wait to experience an exhilarating outing together. 希望你一切都好。我非常兴奋地诚挚邀请你于4月17日加入我们，一起进行天童 山的徒步旅行。我们迫不及待地想一起体验一次激动人心的郊游。Considering your deep passion for h

5、iking and sightseeing,I would like to extend a sincere invitation for you to take some time off work and join us for an upcoming hiking trip .鉴于您对徒步旅行和观光的浓厚兴趣,我诚挚地邀请您安排时间脱离工作,加入我 们参加即将到来的徒步旅行。第二段正文:活动介绍（包括时间/地点）l.As planned,we set off at 7:00 from school,take the bus to the nearest mountain and go h

6、iking there.状语+动作链,结构很好,逻辑也没有问题,但时态应该用将来时。一修改提升:AS planned/scheduled,we will set off at 7:00 next Sunday from the school gate,take the bus to the nearest mountain and then go hiking there.按计划,我们将会在早上7点从学校大门出发,乘坐公交车前往最近的山区,然后在 那里徒步旅行。其它写法：OUr plan is to leave from the school gate at 7:00, hop on a bu

7、s to the nearest mountain, and then go hiking there.我们的计划是在早上7点从学校门口出发，坐公交车前往最近的山区，并在那里 进行徒步旅行。2. The tranquility in the mountain will take you into a world from bustle and hustle,where your mind grows peaceful.简单句+定从,句子结构没有问题;grow peaceful这个搭配不恰当;适当添加修饰 词。一修改提升:The tranquility in the mountain will

8、surely take/ transport you to a world away from bustle and hustle/of peace and quiet,where your mind becomes peaceful/finds peace.山中的宁静肯定会将你带到一个远离喧嚣和繁忙的世界,一个和平安静的世界， 你的心灵会变得宁静。3. At the top of it,we admire the beautiful vista,and get some snapshots of it.状语+简单句的并列,句子结构挺好,用词方面还需进行适当地调整和去除。f 修改提升:At t

9、he top,we will admire the breathtaking view and take some snapshots of ito在山顶上,我们会欣赏到令人惊叹的景色,并拍下一些照片。4. My classmates are all the members for th运 trip and there may be other schoolmates informed to come.两个简单句的并列;用相关的话题词汇来改写效果会更好。一修改提升:Au classmates are going on the trip,and more students might also

10、join.所有的同学都将参加这次旅行,可能还会有更多的学生加入。5. Our group will find a campsite down the hills for picnic and you may pack some food for it.两个简单句的并列,句式还是可以再提升,还可以再加点修饰词。一修改提升：OUr group/team will discover a stunning spot,where we can enjoy a delightful picnic with some tasty food we have brought along. 我们的团队将会找到一个

11、绝美的景点，在那里我们可以享受美味的野餐食物。 我们将会带上一些可口的食物,与大家一起尽情享受。第三段:呼应话题+呼应文体（不能忘记展示漂亮句式和独特词汇）Looking forward to your reply!这个结尾达不到加分的作用,也可以说是放弃式结尾。可参考结尾:A prompt reply will be highly appreciated.如能及时答复,我将不胜感激。Your presences are cordially requested and appreciated, and I am looking forward to your replies at your e

12、arliest convenience.我们诚挚地请求并感谢您的光临,我期待着您在方便时尽早答复。Please accept my invitation and do let me know at your convenience as soon as possible.请接受我的邀请,并在您方便时尽快通知我。Would you please drop me a line to let me know if you are available to come.请给我写信,告诉我你是否有空来。This activity is bound to be an impressive memory fo

13、r you and we cannot wait to spend the day with you.修改精简后的文章完美呈现：Considering your deep passion for hiking and sightseeing,I would like to extend a sincere invitation for you to join us for a hiking trip next Sunday.As scheduled,all classmates will take the bus at 7:00 at the school gate to the neares

14、t mountain and then go hiking there.The tranquility in the mountain will surely transport you to a world away from bustle and hustle,where your mind finds peace.At the top,we will admire the breathtaking view and take some snapshots of it. Our team will also discover a stunning spot,where we can enj

15、oy a delightful picnic with some tasty food brought along.A prompt reply will be highly appreciated.107 words翻译练习:第一段:考虑到你对徒步旅行和观光的热情,我想真诚地邀请你加入我们即将进行的徒步 旅行.第二段：1 .按照计划,所有同学将在早上7点在学校门口乘坐大巴前往最近的山区,然后在 那里徒步旅行。2 .山中的宁静无疑会将您带入一个远离嘈杂喧嚣的世界,您的心灵会得到安宁。3 .到山顶后,我们将欣赏令人叹为观止的景色并拍摄一些照片。4 .我们的团队还将找到一个惊人的地点,我们可以在那里享受美味的野餐。第三段：诚挚希望您尽快回复。