应用文精批精改4(课堂讲稿)教师版.docx

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1、应用文精批精改4（课堂讲稿）题目展示：你校将举办英语演讲比赛。请你以“My dream job”为题写一篇发言稿参赛.内 容包括：L你的理想工作；2 .你选择的理由。注意：L写作词数应为80左右；2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。My dream jobGood morning, everyone.审题“三步走”一审文体:发言稿二数要点:两个要点:理想工作和理由。在发言稿的结尾可以添加表达感谢希,开心 或决心。思时态与人称：时态f 一般现在时和一般将来时人称f第一人称（我们）学生作品展示：4y drpm h aoodmom 访 q :。 Yq QKe诟d的T所qoi的 玉成/尸mq sp

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3、rH7应序港够疆声次第一段:写作背景+目的LToday I, m going to deliver my speech featuring on dream job.应用文通常分成三段为好,结构更清晰;feature表达“以为特征、特色”，此处 使用不恰当,建议使用on或about这两个词来代替featuring;可以添加情绪 表达。一修改:TOday, m going to deliver a speech on my dream job.T其它写法 LToday, I will/am going to deliver a speech on the topic of nMy dream J

4、obn.其它写法 2:Today, m going to deliver a speech about my ideal career.推荐写法：It s my great honor/1 feel greatly honored to stand here and deliver a speech on the topic of nMy dream Job.第二段正文:理由2. From a child,an idea has been rooted in my mind that when I grows up, I, 11 be a teacher.from a child应该改为sin

5、ce ChikihOOd,与后面的现在完成时一致起来;grow应该 去掉S,这种错误不该犯.修改:SiIICe childhood,an idea has been rooted in my mind that when I grow up, I, 11 be a teacher.T其它写法 1 ：Since childhood, I have had an idea deeply rooted in my mind that when I grow up, I will become a teacher.T其它写法 2:As a child, I had a desire to become

6、 a teacher when I grew up.其它写法 3:From an early age, I always knew that I wanted to become a teacher when I grew up.一其它写法 4:Since I was a child, I have held onto the idea of becoming a teacher when I grow up.其它写法 5:From a young age, I have always had the aspiration （渴望；抱 负）of becoming a teacher.3. As

7、 winds caress trees and rain nourish flowers,teachers bring up oneafter another generation with their selfless comitment and dedication.这句话有一些拼写和语法错误,winds caress应该改为the wind Caressesjrain nourish 应该改为 rain nourishes;one after another generation 改为 generation a化er generation.修改:JUSt as the wind care

8、sses trees and rain nourishes flowers, teachers bring up generation after generation with their selfless commitment and dedication.T调整下语序：Just as the wind caresses trees and rain nourishes flowers, teachers,with their selfless commitment and dedication ,bring up generation after generation .T其它写法 1

9、：Similar to how the wind and rain nurture plants, teachers cultivate generations with their selfless commitment and dedication.其它写法 2:Teachers, with their selfless commitment and dedication, raise generation after generation, much like how the wind caresses trees and the rain nourishes flowers.4 .Al

10、so,the teacher is a career that educates others and gives away knowledge.这句话的意思基本上是清晰的,但是the teacher（人）和Career（物）不能等同.修改:TeaeherS are professionals who educate and give away knowledge to others.T其它写法 1 1Teaching is a career that centers around educating others and circulating knowledge generously.其它

11、写法 2:The profession of teaching involves educating others and imparting knowledge selflessly.5 .When thinking about being a teacher,the thought itself would make me feel I, m honorable and respectful,and as well drive me to explore the boundaries of my knowledge and reap academic achievements.thinki

12、ng的逻辑主语应该是I,后面主句的主语也应该是I而不能是the thought 修改:When thinking about being a teacher,I feel honorable and respectful which drives me to explore the boundaries of my knowledge and reap academic achievements.其它写法:When I think about/considering the role of a teacher, I feel a deep sense of honor and respect

13、that pushes/motivates me to constantly broaden/expand my knowledge and achieve academic success.第三段:呼应文体+呼应话题6 .Thank you for listening my speech.HStening后面加上一个“to” ；后面可以适当添加信息,使句意更完整。修改:Thank you for listening to my speech. I hope my speech was informative.6.1, 11 be more than delighted if you shar

14、e the same opinion with me. 条件状语从句,主将从现;这句话写得非常好,语法正确,表达清晰,符合语言表达习 惯。T其它表达 1：It would make me very happy if you agree with me.其它表达 2:1 would be thrilled if we share the same perspective on this.其它表达 3:It would be a pleasure if we are of the same opinion.最后一段最好能呼应文体和呼应话题,可以表达自己的希望,决心。T建议修改为:In short,

15、being a teacher is my dream job and I firmly believe that I can definitely achieve my dream.Thank you!其它写法:In brief, my aspiratio（志向/抱负）is to pursue a career as a teacher, and I am confident in my ability to successfully attain my goal. Thank you.修改精简后的文章完美呈现:Good morning, everyone.I feel greatly honored to stand here and deliver a speech on the topic of nMy dream Jobn.Since childhood, I have had an idea deeply rooted in my mind that when I grow up, I will become a teacher.Just as the wind caresses trees and rain nourishes flowers, teachers,with