应用文精批精改2(湖丽衢4月联考)学生版.docx

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1、应用文精批精改2（湖丽衢2023年4月联考）题目展示：假定你是李华,你的英国朋友Alan对你校的“校园农场（CamPUS Farm）”项目很 感兴趣,想来你校参观。请你给他写封邮件,内容包括：1 .表示欢迎；2.介绍项目内容和目的。注意:L写作词数应为80左右;2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。审题“三步走”一审文体:介绍类二数要点:欢迎,项目内容和目的,一共三个要点;可以添加农场的介绍和项目收获。 思时态与人称：时态 一般现在时人称f第一人称（我们） 介绍类六件套：首段:背景介绍+写作目的主体:内容介绍+补充细节尾段:呼应开头+提出希望 学生作品展示：算二应由王写宿 品分15分）一，D

2、ear Alan,Dalightpg tc Iccm that you ho2 a fancy ILo 。以r GmoLzS %mPrOgrOm. l，m writing tc extend my COrdiH w。/ODEAim包d Qt emphans】Zinq 切z SiqnifimnCK Of IaboUir Red c3tiuQtingCtUden田 2duranca the PrOgmm isIy。hit CmOnq us、Thne. IzAcus asi5t3 Qfe Qrrdnqedt consisting Of FlUCkJng CarrbC feeding ChiCECn6

3、 and GOWing Med，, IhrOUgh invobemEE r)o OEy Mn you，mmor5yousf in th2 PeQeCfUlCf naiure. but yo,/ Mn 4心0 harvest6 %nce 吒 adwgmRctGhoUld 淮 further qu,Stions. 彩0 free 七C SriCdCZ m2 HoF2 to hear，from YCU coon.Yours. Li Hua第一段:写作背景+目的(应用文高分开头)1 .Delighted to learn that you have a fancy to our Campus Farm

4、 program,I, m writing to extend my cordial welcome.背景:AIan对校园农场(CamPUS Farm)”项目很感兴趣;目的:表示欢迎,应该再增 加一个目的:对项目作简要介绍;喜欢应该是have a fancy foro修改提升:to learn that you our CampusFarm program,! would like to offer my welcome and aintroduction.其它写法:EXCitemerlt me I learn about yourfor our Campus Farm program. Al

5、low me to a warm welcome andyou the program.第二段正文:内容介绍+补充细节2 .Aimed at emphasizing the significance of labour and cultivating students, endurance,the program is really a hit among us. 状语+简单句,句子结构好,属于介绍项目的目的部分。一更多表达:to emphasize/emphasizing the labour andstudents, ,the program is really a hit among u

6、s. 其它写法:The program1 s emphasizing the importance of hardwork and developing students1 endurance among us .3 . There,various activities are arranged,consisting of plucking carrots, feeding chickens and sowing seeds.状语+简单句+状语,结构很好,先笼统后具体,写作逻辑也没有问题;但是在介绍活动 前应该对校园农场作个简单的介绍,这个细节能让文章更生动。 T增加校园农场的介绍：The C

7、ampus Farm half an acre,the southeast of our school.第三句其它写法 1:There,various activities are arranged, plucking carrots feeding chickens and sowing seeds.一第三句其它写法 2:activities, carrot picking, chicken feeding, and seed sowing.第三句其它写法 3:activities, carrots, feeding chickens, and seeds.第三句其它写法 4: Severa

8、l tasks are scheduled/There are several tasks scheduled,harvesting carrots, feeding the chickens, and planting seeds.4 .Through involvem ent ,not only can you immerse yourself in the peaceful atmosphere of nature,but you can also harvest a sense of achievement. 这句话属于项目的意义或收获部分,虽然要点里没有,但是作为项目组成一部分,补充

9、 进去是必要的也是合情合理的;状语+两个简单句的并列+倒装,结构很好;可以增形 容词和副词让句子更饱满。初步修改:,not only can you immerse yourself in the peaceful atmosphere of nature5but you can also harvest a sense of achievement.句子表达效果再提升:, you not only get to its atmosphere, but also gain asense of accomplishment.其它写法:,you can acquirefarming skills

10、a sense of responsibilitythe environment and the community.第三段:进行总结+提升价值Should you have further questions,feel free to contact me.Hope to hear from you soon.虚拟倒装句,这里的ShoUId可以翻译为“万一”，正常的句子为:If you should have further questions; Hope to hear from you SOon是祈使句,是希望对方 作出回复,符合交际的要求。其它写法：If you have any i

11、questions,to contact me. I look forward to hearing from you soon.一其它写法2: Please don,t hesitate to me if you haveany questions. I look forward to hearing from you soon.呼应第一段的角度来写： 其它写法 1：LOOking forward to your early arrival ,and I, m convinced that you will be amazed by the program.一其它写法2:1 your arr

12、ival andthe program will.其它写法3:experience. Our campus Farm/The program is amazing,m certain that you,ll love it. 准备好迎接令人难以置信的体验吧。我们的校园农场/这个项目很棒,我相信你一 定会喜欢它。修改精简后的文章完美呈现：as I learn about your for ourCampus Farm program. Allow me to andemphasizing the of labour and promotingstudents,the program among

13、us.TheCampus Farm half an acre,thesoutheast of our school.A piece of landto each class and several activities,harvesting carrots, feeding the chickens, and planting seeds.,students can whilethe environment and the community, an experience. The program isamazing, and m certain that you,ll love it. 参考

14、答案： Dear Alan,Knowing that you are interested in our Campus Farm, I, m writing in delight to offer my warmest welcome and a brief introduction.Our Campus Farm, covering less than half an acre, aims to offer a combination of hands-on training and engaging classroom to both students and staff. Each cl

15、ass is assigned a certain patch of land, where students can design, plant, irrigate, fertilize and harvest all by themselves. Two greenhouses are also available for experiments and training programs, exposing students to an inviting atmosphere for learning.I bet you, d be amazed there and I can, t wait to show you around!Yours,Li Hua翻译练习：第一段：L您对我们的校园农场感兴趣,我非常高兴地写信欢迎您并进行简要介绍。第二段：2 .我们的校园农场占地不到半英亩,旨在为学生和教职员工提供实践培训和参与 性课堂。3 .每个班级都分配了一块土地,学生们可以设计、种植、灌溉、施肥和收获。4 .此外,还有两个温室供实验和培训计划使用,为学生提供了一个理想的学习氛 围。第三段：我相信您会对那里感到惊讶,我迫不及待地想带您参观!